he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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