i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
nutella sex= disaster
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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