Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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