Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
