the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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