i was born a porn star she said
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
