addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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