Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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