Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
