Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
