her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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