The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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