If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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