Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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