she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Buhtt sex?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
