I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
