Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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