had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
