I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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