totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
