yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
