He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
