I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
