I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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