if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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