is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
