you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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