yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
