i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
