The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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