took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
