i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
