i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
