So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
