You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
