She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
