I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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