white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
