I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
