who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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