It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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