i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
