I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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