how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
