god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
