I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
