It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
