I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
