I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I wish there were birth control emojis
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
