Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
