Pappa wants mamma naked
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize