so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
