Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize