last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Operation Purity has been aborted
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
