where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So many bounce houses so little time
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
