I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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