How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
