So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
