Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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