hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Can I color on your dick again?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
