so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
