My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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