Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
