I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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